10
02
A month of accomplishment
Written by Nathan on October 2, 2009 at 3:38 pm from A Month of Accomplishment.
Written by Nathan on October 2, 2009 at 3:38 pm from A Month of Accomplishment.
Obviously every month’s project is designed in the hope that I successfully accomplish some goals. In face, part of the idea behind a year of month-long projects is that this would be a framework that help with achievement.
This month I’m going to apply that framework to a project I have going on that’s designed to generally increase people’s accomplishment. A friend and I are developing a small website that lets people share immediate goals, encourage others and get advice on how to achieve those goals.
By Halloween we’ll have the site up (in beta) and running, and I’ll track development process along the way.
While I work through this month of accomplishment, I’m going to run a secondary month-long project. In order to make sure that accomplishment doesn’t come at the expense of my family (which is always a risk give time is the ultimate zero-sum game) my kids and I are spending the whole month on a project for my wife. Jenn’s birthday is October 1, so we celebrated her birthday in typical style with presents and celebration. But this October, we’re going to keep celebrating giving her a birth-month party.
So this month it’s accomplishing a website to help with goal accomplishment, and a present a day for my wife. The best part of this month? If this month goes to plan I’ll have a happy wife and a great website to usher in Whiskerino on November 1.
07
06
Fire at the whites of their eyes
Written by Nathan on July 6, 2009 at 11:35 pm from A Month of Health Living.
Written by Nathan on July 6, 2009 at 11:35 pm from A Month of Health Living.
On Sunday I had pizza and soda for dinner. First soda of the month, and not a particularly healthy meal even with water. Granted I had only two pieces, it was still an anathema to my month of healthy living. Then I compounded the problem by working until well past midnight, and finally by marking my day by turning in at 3:11, choosing finally to tribute a terrible band. Unhealthy diet, unhealthy sleep, unhealthy art.
I’ve seen the enemy and it’s me.
Of course all of those unhealthy choices had good reasons. My family wanted a peaceful meal and the pizza place we went to is a favorite, and on the water. We had a great family time. And the late work was fine tuning the live iPhone video, then finishing up editing photos from a friend’s wedding. And 311… well, there was no excuse for that.
On the first day I asked for input from many people as to what defines “healthy living” and the most intriguing answer had to do with balance. As I’ve tried this week to find health, I think balance’s close cousin, proportion has stood out as a virtue. So while Sunday wasn’t particularly healthy by certain regards, in others it wasn’t all that bad.
As for today I smartly declined soda and cookies at lunch, wisely partook of chick fil a with my family for dinner and elected to stay up past midnight to document my progress. I don’t expect to stumble into bad choices of the lazy variety tomorrow, and with a trip to the YMCA scheduled I can hope to take some active steps toward health.
07
01
What does healthy mean?
Written by Nathan on July 1, 2009 at 12:42 pm from A Month of Health Living.
Written by Nathan on July 1, 2009 at 12:42 pm from A Month of Health Living.
According to the dictionary health means “in good health.” Right. In trying to pick a lunch today I had tomato basil soup, which after the fact I was told is certainly unhealthy owing to it’s cream base. So clearly, I don’t understand “heathy.”
Can anyone help? What does “healthy” mean?
07
01
A month of healthy living
Written by Nathan on July 1, 2009 at 12:16 pm from A Month of Health Living.
Written by Nathan on July 1, 2009 at 12:16 pm from A Month of Health Living.
This month I’m in pursuit of health, because next month I’m spending 10 days playing soccer in Brazil on a mission trip. I workout semi-regularly and consume some fruits and vegetables, but I’m also overweight and spend my work days in front of a computer. The out-of-shape me is in for a terrible shock when I start to play soccer in the hot, humid Amazon.
I know I can’t change my health but so much in the next month. I also know I can take good steps towards a better lifestyle that will ensure next summer I won’t be in the same predicament. The question is, how do I get there? I could just try working out more, or eating differently. But those would both be guesses, because I really don’t know what “healthy” means. So these 31 days I’ll try to figure it out, and as I do practice what I learn.
07
01
It great to realize it’s not a competition, especially when you would’ve lost
Written by Nathan on July 1, 2009 at 12:07 pm from A Month of Serving.
Written by Nathan on July 1, 2009 at 12:07 pm from A Month of Serving.
If there was a single overriding realization I made over this month of serving, it would be that my wife is much better at serving than I am. While it’s great that I have just a great teacher and model in my wife, it’s got to at least a little frustrating for her. So much of my service is for her, and so much of her service is for me, I spent the month worried she was getting a bad deal. There were many times I found myself feeling like I was losing, and strove for some sort of numerical parity.
Fortunately this wasn’t a competition, and serving isn’t about quantity. My wife serves me so often because I ask for help all the time. And she takes care of me because I need it. But most of all, she loves me and that drives her to action all the time. Whether I ask for help 20 times in a day or not, I’ve realized she’s so good at this because she’s oriented toward me all the time.
That’s been the crux of this month; checking my orientation to see if it matched the destination I wanted. I wanted to serve Jenn, but was I oriented toward her? I think it’s a basic general principle all over the place… Want to be a musician? Start studying & making music. Want to be a writer? Start writing, critically reading and get peer reviews.
For this month I learned that to really serve Jenn I needed to be all about her, honed in and ready. That obviously applied when she was around but I found it also applied when she wasn’t. When she was away, I was constantly ready to step up and often when others needed help. Those other acts of service better prepared me for the times when she was present, and generally just being attentive to her meant that over the month I had to ask less if I could help, and more often how I could help.
I never really set any metrics to measure if this was successful, but Jenn found out last week was I had been doing and she didn’t laugh at the notion I’d been serving her this month. So perhaps I fared alright. Regardless, I know that I pay better attention to her and I’m quicker to set aside distractions when there’s an opportunity to take action.
On second thought, perhaps I’ll close out this month’s project by asking her how I did. If this really has been all about her, then asking that questions is probably more important than whatever answer she gives.
06
24
The sound of silence
Written by Nathan on June 24, 2009 at 10:58 am from A Month of Serving.
Written by Nathan on June 24, 2009 at 10:58 am from A Month of Serving.
With the summer in full swing, my wife is privileged to spend all day with our kids. It’s awesome, but the (often substantial) challenge is how she can deal with kids who are always “on”. My son can be especially demanding, because he can string together words and sentences for a seemingly never-ending block of time. It’s adorable and tiring. Jenn gets very little break from the start of the day until its end, which would wear even on the best of us. Given Jenn is among the best of us, she’s still frequently worn by the nonstop noise.
I’ve been trying to help by taking the kids, and frequently praying with her that she’d find silence. Last night she picked me up to drive to Disney with our family and the kids were asleep. It seemed like a brief answer to that prayer. I got in the car, happy about it, and was about to launch into conversation until I realized I was about to perpetuate the problem.
Granted our conversation is different (and hopefully better) than what she gets with our kids, but she needed silence still and I had a unique chance to be the answer to my own prayers. So I joined in the silence with my sleeping children. For an hour we drove, quietly, and she found rest.
Now and again we briefly talked, but I kept my mouth mostly shut for the duration. More importantly, I managed to do something truly helpful to Jenn just by doing nothing.
06
16
Pursuing value
Written by Nathan on June 16, 2009 at 8:22 am from A Month of Serving.
Written by Nathan on June 16, 2009 at 8:22 am from A Month of Serving.
Halfway through this month the only major question I have is whether serving is the action or the attitude. There have been occasions this month where I did acts that didn’t seem like much, but where entirely focused on my wife and thus I think they offered profound help. There have also been occasions where I realized some acts would have huge impact, but my mind was entirely elsewhere.
So which is really service? When I take my kids off my wife’s hands but let my mind wander isn’t that still serving her (and perhaps being a mediocre parent…)? And if there’s an hour where I keep my focus entirely on Jenn, waiting for the opportunity to act even if nothing comes up didn’t I spend the hour in service?
I don’t have a great answer, and there’s a part of me wondering if I’m wrestling with a question that’s not even legitimate. The answer could be both, or maybe even “who cares?” Fortunately I don’t need a fully developed philosophy of service to take care of my wife in the present. I’ll just keep plodding along, thinking on Albert Einstein’s words:
Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.
06
08
Sometimes it really is about the destination
Written by Nathan on June 8, 2009 at 9:38 pm from A Month of Serving.
The great majority of people will go on observing forms that cannot be explained; they will keep Christmas Day with Christmas gifts and Christmas benedictions; they will continue to do it; and some day suddenly wake up and discover why.
- GK Chesteron
Written by Nathan on June 8, 2009 at 9:38 pm from A Month of Serving.
The great majority of people will go on observing forms that cannot be explained; they will keep Christmas Day with Christmas gifts and Christmas benedictions; they will continue to do it; and some day suddenly wake up and discover why.
- GK Chesteron
My sophomore year of college I took a job as a residence adviser. Before they’d let me loose in the dorm, offering guidance and boundaries to dozens of incoming freshmen, they ran me through a one-week crash course in advising. The instructor was a outgoing, fast-talking middle aged woman who seemed to find her greatest happiness in reducing complex challenges and concepts into pithy bumper stickers.
For the week’s training I winced my way through her constant barrage of clichés, all offered with the supposition that anyone who needed help would be well served by kitschy sayings. Amongst my least favorite was “It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.” On the surface I get where that’s coming from - don’t stop and smell the roses, after all. But at the same time, no matter how remarkable the journey if there’s a place I need to get and I don’t get there isn’t it possible the journey was in vain?
A few years after those training sessions I was touring in a band and finally pulled into a town after an especially grueling drive. En route to this show one band member contracted a terrible ear infection required a doctor detour and 15 hours later, our van’s bumper fall off in traffic while still attached to our trailer. It was a terrible (and fascinating) trip, but we endured in part by keeping firm focus on the show at the end of the drive. But when we showed up in the town it turned out that our booking agent fabricated this particular show to save face. There was no show. Suddenly the entire journey was radically recontextualized just because the destination changed.
My destination this month is serving my wife well. It’s really not about the journey; what I learn, habits I pick up, etc. It’s simply about finding a path to taking better care of her. I hope by to observe and engage in forms I can’t quite explain until I discover how really to serve Jenn. Along the way I’m over-thinking the process, sometimes excusing my frequently tepid progress. Though two journeys are in opposition, and offer likely different destination. But ultimately I’m realizing the need for firm orientation - a compass of sorts - so that this journey takes me where I need to go.
06
06
Progress is great, except when it illuminates how far you really are from the end
Written by Nathan on June 6, 2009 at 7:45 pm from Uncategorized.
Written by Nathan on June 6, 2009 at 7:45 pm from Uncategorized.
In 6 days I’ve learned two things about serving. In hindsight both lessons were self-evident at all times, but that’s the thing with lessons - until you’ve learned them, no matter how simple they are you need them.
First, serving someone isn’t a set of actions, it’s an attitude. That’s much more difficult, because attitude adjustment require constant work and are tiring. A series of actions, no matter how many or even how difficult are going to be easier than re-calibrating my worldview in an instant.
Second, my wife is far better at serving me than I am at serving her. This too, was painfully self-evident before. But in just a week I’ve noticed more and more how from when I wake until when I rise, she’s looking out for me. I, on the other hand, too often start my day wondering if I can get 5 more minutes of sleep. If I can reform my (bad) habits even in the slightest bit this month, then I’ll be incredibly happy when this project is said and done. (Though I really hope it’s never fully done.)
06
03
Day start
Written by Nathan on June 3, 2009 at 11:50 pm from A Month of Serving.
Written by Nathan on June 3, 2009 at 11:50 pm from A Month of Serving.
Sometime early this morning my wife nudged me and asked me to help with something. I dutifully took our newborn, put her on my chest and went back to sleep. Great husband, right? Unfortunately, she actually asked me to help with our other daughter who was at the time standing at the foot of our bed. Once our infant was draped over my chest, my wife was more or less obliged to be the parent who took the 2-year-old back to her bed.
I tried to make amends by leaving for work a few minutes late so that she could take a shower, get dressed and not have to worry to much about the kids. I even fixed their breakfast, presuming that pouring cereal counts as “fixed”. I’m not sure that made up for compelling her to sleep on a cheap child’s mattress for 90 minutes in the early AM, but this is about baby steps, right?